State of Mind

Is my...
Situation difficult and am I trying to persist in my objectives against resistance. Do I find it necessary to conceal my intentions as an added precaution, in order to disarm the opposition ? (it does feel kindda difficult...but disarm the opposition?...that sounds soooo sneaky)

Could this be my source of stress?...
Suppresing my innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that I might be carried away by it only to find myself pursuing some will-o'-the-wisp (ini apa ya artinya?). Do I feel misled and abused and has withdrawn to hold myself cautiously aloof from others. Keeps a careful and critical watch to see whether motives towards me are sincere--a watchfulness which easily develops into suspicion and distrust. (Now I know why someone said once that I sometime act 'invisible')

Do I restrain myself because...
Circumstances are forcing me to compromise, to restrain my demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things I want and forcing me to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being ? (compromising is my middle name and fuck...it hasn't been easy !)

I know that this is what I desire...
A conflict-free haven offering security and physical case and is in need of considerate treatment and loving care. I fears the emptiness and solitude of separation.....(tapi kalo harus sendiri, then be it....been there, done that)

My actual problem...
Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of my hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. Am I trying to escape from this into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, protecting myself from dissatisfaction and lack of appreciation.(bisjad...bisjad juga)

My actual problem # 2...
The needs to protect myself against my tendency to be too trusting, as I find it is liable to be misunderstood or exploited by others. I therefore seek a relationship providing peaceful and understanding intimacy, and in which each knows exactly where the other stands. (So true....! honesty is debes gitu lho.)

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Comments

[Savage]

My Pal O' Mino; you always have deep and thorough analysis of your own thought like in this "State of Mind"...Damn Deep Analysis Pally, I can not help but to ask you this : How do you act upon such deep understanding of once self ? I "heard" some "scream" of "let me outta this situation" kinda "scream" on some of your writings, yet I also found some "cuek abuis" satire on the other writings....To sum up my comment today, I can only say to you and the rest of you who happens to stumble on this comment out there ; At times there is nothing else we all can do but to tell ourselves : "what to do"?,and just leave it that way..... Keep on writing Pally, and keep tickles my "2 cents worth" of comment !

[Yoodi]

there won't be a million dollars without the 2 cents. tks for da comment pally!