Park Bench Society

Monyet

Monyet
Melongo liat kacang
Loncat sana loncat sini
Sok ga mau tapi pengen
Begitu disodoring langsung dimakan
Sambil ngeloyor pergi
Selesai ngunyah balik lagi

Loncat sana loncat sini
Sok udah kenyang tapi masih pengen
Dasar monyet !!

Aku terdiam....
Melirik kumpulan kata-kata diatas
Kenapa monyet kupikir lagi
Kenapa bukan bintang di langit malam
Kenapa bukan titik hujan jatuh di rumput hijau
Kenapa bukan aroma kopi di pagi hari
Kenapa bukan nostalgia potongan lirik lagu
Kenapa bukan wangi sabun lavender dikamar mandi
Kenapa bukan kelembutan kimono membungkus tubuh setengah basah
Kenapa bukan setetes embun di permukaan bunga Lily
Kenapa bukan hiruk pikuk pasar loak di kota kecil di Spanyol
Kenapa bukan suara dentingan gitar Gypsy di Bulgaria
Kenapa bukan bunyi lonceng gereja di Yerusalem
Kenapa bukan dinginnya air menyentuh muka sebelum sholat fajar
Kenapa bukan heningnya malam Nyepi di Bali
Kenapa bukan aroma tembakau dalam lintingan kertas tipis
Kenapa bukan romantisme bunuh diri seorang samurai
Kenapa bukan ketenangan kontemplasi seorang diri
Kenapa bukan dia, mereka, aku atau bahkan dunia

Ga tau...
Ya lagi mikir monyet aja tuh

I Say A Little Prayer

href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHKWBxDzyfU

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever, we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

My darling believe me,
For me there is no one
But you

The Movie:
A soundtrack from "My Best Friend's Wedding". What's different about this movie from most romantic comedy is that the heroine and hero did not ended up together.

The Song:
Sang by the lady of soul Aretha Franklin

The Real Life:
A little prayer for a best friend..
...to be brave
...to be tolerance
...to endure
...to have faith
...to be acceptance
...and to still have passion and believes in your dreams
There are those who love you.
Good luck.

Sogno ( I Dream)

A song by Andrea Bocelli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itF0GOu4t18

Va ti aspettero
Il fiore nel giardino segna il tempo
Qui disegnero il giorno poi del tuo ritorno
Sei cosi sicura del mio amore
Da portarlo via con te
Chiuso nelle mani
che ti porti al viso
Ripensando ancora a me
E se ti servira lo mostri al mondo
Che non sa che vita c'e
Nel cuore che distratto sembra assente
Non sa che vita c'e
In quello che soltanto il cuore sente
Non sa.

"Kemana ?"
"Kesana sebentar"
"Aku tunggu sini, k ?"
"Ok"

Drtttt.....drttt.....drtttt.....
Bunyi alarm getar dari handphoneku dan angka digital di monitornya menunjukan jam 4.30 pagi. Sepotong mimpi pendek mengakhiri tidurku.

Kubuka keran air dan menampung air dingin yang keluar dengan kedua tanganku serta membasuh mukaku.

"Go, and take my feelings with you in your cupped hands so you can always feel them when you put your hands on your face". Terngiang terjemahan sepotong lirik dari sebuah lagu Itali dalam benak sambil merasakan dinginnya air menyentuh kulit mukaku.

Qui ti aspettero
E rubero i baci al tempo
Tempo che non basta a cancellare
Coi ricordi il desiderio che
Resta chiuso nelle mani
che ti porti al viso
Ripensando a me
E ti accompagnera passando le citta da me
Da me che sono ancora qui
E sogno cose che non so di te
Dove sara che strada fara il tuo ritorno
Sogno

"Hapus aja semua"
"Semua ?"
"Iya, block all dan cut"
"Ok"

Fungsi cut and paste memang praktis untuk menghapus maupun memindahkan data yang besar dalam sekejap.

"Sayang dihapus semua"
"Ga papa, masih ada di memory kok, mau diliat balik?
"Iya"
"Control V aja"

Sebuah senyum manis muncul mensyukuri kehebatan penyimpanan memori dari sebuah kejadian.

Qui ti aspettero
E rubero i baci al tempo
Sogno

"Mau kemana ?"
"Pergi"
"Aku tunggu ?"
"Ga usah"

Panas yang terik membuatku terbangun dari tidur siangku diteras belakang. Sambil bangkit dari kursi malas kusambar sebotol Aqua dimeja dan langsung kuteguk sekaligus kusiram kemukaku. Masih setengah mengantuk dan kepanasan kuletakkan kembali botol Aqua besar itu dimeja dengan posisi miring. Botol yang setengah penuh itu jatuh dan sebagian isinya tumpah keatas keyboard laptopku.

"Warning: Keep away computer from source of liquid and protect from damp area". Terngiang sebuah bunyi petunjuk pemeliharaan komputer dari buku panduan

Un rumore il vento che mi sveglia
E sei gia qua.

Kali ini bukan mimpi. Aku usap keringat dari mukaku sambil menatap layar monitorku dan merenung atas hilangnya memori dari semua kejadian dalam sekejap.

Drtttt.....drttt.....drtttt.....
Bunyi alarm getar dari handphoneku dan angka digital di monitornya menunjukan jam 4.30 pagi. Sebuah mimpi panjang yang terdiri dari berbagai mimpi-mimpi pendek mengakhiri tidurku.

Aku duduk dipinggir tempat tidurku memikirkan harus melalui hari yang masih sangat panjang.

Here I will wait for you
And steal kisses from time
I dream
A noise, the wind awakens me
And you're already here.

Terngiang kembali terjemahan lirik bait terakhir dari lagu yang sama dalam mimpiku tadi. Aku tersenyum pahit menyadari kenyataan, mimpi dan sepotong lirik lagu.

"Nobody's here, I'm alone" kataku pelan, sendiri.

Sembilan

Kulihat rangkaian batu alam berwarna hijau itu tergeletak diatas meja dengan salah satu ujungnya yang cacat tanpa kaitan.

"Rantai cerita terputus" kebiasaan menterjemahkan sesuatu hal kecil dan menjadikannya sebuah kejadian besar muncul begitu saja dibenakku. Imaginasi tolol itu kemudian aku teruskan dengan mulai menghitung satu persatu batu yang terangkai menjadi sebuah gelang itu dari ujung yang satu ke ujung yang lain.

Ada sembilan batu gempeng yang terbagi menjadi tiga bagian yang terpisahkan oleh sepotong hiasan perak. Gelang batu alam itu selalu menjadi perhiasan yang paling sering aku pakai dibanding dengan pernak pernik lain yang aku miliki. Aku suka merasakan dinginnya permukaan batu-batu itu menyentuh permukaan pergelangan tanganku setiap kali aku mulai memakainya. Suhu badanku kemudian perlahan menjalar lewat kulit dan tanpa kusadari rasa dingin yang tadinya ada telah hilang. Sebuah proses yang terjadi dari aksi dan interaksi antara dua zat alami.

Biasanya aku lalu suka memutar-mutar gelang itu dipergelangan tanganku sambil menyentuh satu persatu batu yang ada dan merasakan kehangatan yang sama antara batu-batu itu dan kulit tubuhku. Peristiwa ini mengingakanku akan kehangatan-kehangatan lain yang kurasakan seperti turunnya hujan dihari yang terik, aroma kopi dipagi hari, tertidur lelap di sofa yang empuk, sampai bahkan kepada peristiwa masa kecil dimana ibuku menggandeng tanganku di hari pertama masuk sekolah.

Sebilan batu alam itu seperti rangkaian peristiwa yang menyatukan semua kehangatan itu dan memberikan rasa nyaman yang luar biasa setiap kali memakainya di pergelangan tanganku. Sembilan batu ajaib itu kini sedang cacat tanpa kaitan yang berfungsi menyatukan rasa nyaman yang tersimpan dalam batu-batu itu dan mengalirkannya kedalam tubuhku.

Aku bangkit dari dudukku dan mencari alat yang dapat kupakai untuk memperbaiki kaitan yang lepas itu. Sambil memegang ujung yang cacat dan mengencangkan kaitan yang lepas dari jepitannya dengan sebuah tang imajinasi tololku kembali memikirkan angka sembilan dalam bentuk yang lain.

Umur kehamilan biasanya sembilan bulan
Kucing katanya punya sembilan nyawa
Sembilan puluh sembilan nama Allah
Ronaldo dari AC Milan memakai kaos dengan nomer sembilan.

Tiba-tiba aku memikirkan sebuah permainan angka:
Urutan kesembilan dalam bilangan bulan dalam satu tahun dan gabungan angka dua dan tujuh yang penjumlahannya menjadi angka sembilan.
Sembilan ternyata memang angka yang keramat.

The Iconic M

CLICK ON IMAGE TO ACTIVATE FULL VIEWING

Year of Pig

Park Bench Society
Wish You A Very Happy Lunar Year

Photo courtesy of Wahyu Kencana

License to Masturbate

"We're not only a worldwide agency, we offers integrated communication solutions as well". That is more or less the message that are send across when you browse through the agency credential in an Adobe Flash Player format.

"Let's give the client a 360 degrees approach" are often mentioned in the board room discussion during initial sharing session every time a new pitch came along the agency's way. These new pitches, when they come along our way they really rush through the pipeline just like this February rains that hit Jakarta and and flooded more than half of the city. Speaking of the recent Jakarta flood, while some might think that this writing not really knocked on facts....although I do think it is, one thing I can say for sure is that Sutiyoso who is the governor of Jakarta is absolutely and undeniably a real asshole for turning the city public open spaces into a commodity and exchangeable to commercial places which makes the city land totally helpless in absorbing rain falls.

Anyway, retreating from that line of thinking let's get back to that integrated communication solutions consisting of so many lines from above, below, and striking smack in the middle through it that would be enough to makes any heads dizzy. The kind of dizziness that comes not only from too much information but also the lack of basic understanding of what they really are. Sometimes I can sense that the client does not understand what the hell it is that they are seeing in the presentation slides and probably more concern on how much all that is going to cost their brand expenditure. The more sophisticated client on the other hand knows exactly what are the problems the brand faces and the kind of solutions that they needs and feels that they are being offered more than what they required. It's like either offering someone who shop in  K-Mart an outfit by Alexander McQueen or showing  a pair of Porsche in different colors to someone who already have a 10 rooms villa in Majorca overlooking the Mediterranean sea. Just from the brief they wrote you can get a sense of what they are looking for and the kind of urgency that need immediate solutions they seek from their agencies.

It's funny to see how instead of taking a careful look at the brief everyone start to think they can turn the client's brand into a distinguish brand and got all excited with "let's show them everything we have" attitude. True, an all around approach to a brand communication can never hurt the brand given the strategy is based on a insightful platform. So don't you say that I don't have that "let's win this pitch" outlook because I do. As unconventional an Ad man as I am, although not crazy at all about award winning ad, I do realize at the end of the day it's all about the freaking billing and bottom line. And if I am lucky it would also means bonuses permitting the Gods of the advertising universe are being merciful to the mortals.

Nevertheless, the facts that are sometimes forgotten in the midst of these excitement are the urgency and priorities that the client seek for that particular campaign, not to mention budget constraints which will always be the angel of death in white hooded robe ready to strike with its sharp scythe any creative ideas, even good ones if they threaten to exceed the life of the corporate balance sheet. So to come up with the all rounded approach combining the above, beyond and through the lines works sometime look more like a showcase of ego rather than for the sake of providing an integrated solutions.

But what kills me the most is to watch this bunch of highly skilled special agents with creative license do their operative planning involve little or no integrative thinking whatsoever between the inter - department personnel. The whole development process sometimes is all about one adapting to another's slide and expanding it.  Still, it could turned out to be one hell of an artsy and comprehensive presentation at the end of the day. Will it actually of some use is still to be seen. If the client for some reason found it to be useful and they feel they can pay for it then it's great. Otherwise, to me the whole thing is just a  creative masturbation and  self - inflicting pleasure leaving nothing but cleaning up some spilled love stains at the end. Sure, go ahead have a beer and smoke afterward but for sure swallowing the cold  beer and inhaling those nicotine is going to taste so much better if there were some passionate screaming that you've done with someone else just before that rather than shutting your eyes tight imagining some babes in a glossy magazines.

Some might argue that getting it off that way still feels great. I could relate to that, really. I mean in that last few seconds you don't really care whether you're alone or with someone who will let you come inside her or let you stay inside her mouth so she can swallow everything. It really doesn't matter, does it ? So I guess I still have the right to go have a cold beer and a smoke afterward just as if I actually had a real sex.

But here's a thing that will be hard to swallow even for the cheapest, ugliest, horniest and desperate street whore who would readily give you a blow job in the filthiest public toilet. Better yet, here's another analogy. There are two things that a guy fear the most during intimate moments. One is he can't get it up and the other is pre - mature ejaculation.

For the sake of being a good team player you have gone through that whole process of trying to came up with an integrated views on your part that will hang nicely with the mass communication method of the other team. Everyone is then feels good that this all around approach will give all the necessary leverage to the whole campaign. Of course I have prepared myself with a cold beer and a pack of cigarette for the afterward and sometimes I have to admit I can even bring myself looking forward to the afterward smoke and self - cuddling.  So come the presentation day and everyone is all gungho and thirsty for client's blood. After which you found out something terrifying during the presentation through all the politeness the client can pull together. Either they told you that they don't need to hear your part of of the presentation or they put up with  the whole presentation  and later told you that for now just as mentioned in the brief, they only needed to focus on the other communication method. Perhaps on a later phase they would go with the direction you have proposed in your part.

Now, this happened to me twice this week on two different campaigns. Imagine this, you're lying there naked in bed with your woman and say "this never happen to me before" or " it's not you, it's me". But if that happens twice in a week with that same woman I can say you will either started to get really pissed with yourself or looking for someone to blame. One thing for sure you can't bear to think that this woman will start thinking you are another asshole in town besides the governor.

Image done by mikofanclub on Flickr

Lemon Cheesecake

That was what it says in white chalk on the menu board standing on the pavement in front of this café announcing the special package for the day. I felt raindrops fell heavier on my head and was deciding whether to go inside escaping the rain or just continued walking. I peeked inside and saw empty white linen clothed tables decorated with a white lily in a small crystal like vase on top of every table.

I decided to sit on the veranda section of the café protected from the rain by a white colored canopy and chose the farthest side of the table from the sidewalk to avoid the rain. Not really in a hurry to be served I looked across the street watching wet grass on a small park turned shinier from the rain. Overlooking the park my eyes caught a window display of an interior design gallery. It showed a white themed bedroom décor of a massive light colored teakwood bed softened by sheets, down pillows and comforter all in white. My wandering mind then was so quick to build an imaginary setting of its own. One was an illustration of a tropical setting with ocean breeze flowing through an opened window blowing at a white see – through curtain. Inside is a teak paneled floor bedroom in some hidden villa in Canggu, Bali surrounded by rice fields and a view of a small river. Contrary to the tropical setting, other images that popped up from that “all white” window display were clips from TV commercials for either an air condition product or sanitary napkins for women. I couldn’t really help it of coming up with these latter pictures since it was an occupational hazard from working in an ad agency. Commercial for these type of products tend to highlight the whiteness of things to portray freshness and cleanness. Strange that since I walked past this café I felt attacked by this color starting with the white chalked menu list, tablecloth, white lily, canopy and that bedroom décor display. Anyhow, I prefer the tropical picture over the TV commercial ones as it gave me a quick get away window from the damp wet autumn day as it was that day.

The green tropical picturesque was shattered when the waitress came over to take my order. She was wearing an oversize white shirt (again that color) but wrapped thankfully in a black apron with front pockets filled with order book and a pen. I asked for a double espresso to speed up my caffeine intake for the day and asked her to come back later while I browsed the menu. My espresso came and I asked if she could give me a small cut of lime skin to put on my coffee. She came back with two small pieces on a white small plate. I learned this from an old Italian man years ago on how to make an espresso richer in flavor.

I studied the menu and saw lemon cheesecake again which was slightly more expensive than the plain cheesecake, obviously. I was always one that went for the old fashioned way when it came to food and drinks so I started to automatically think of ordering the plain one. The way I run my life was complicated enough and I could use a few basic simple way of living like a plain bagel instead of a cinnamon taste one or a cold beer instead of those colorful designer cocktails.

However, sitting there and staring again at the clean white tablecloth I felt I was entering a comfort zone that was long ago forgotten. So all of a sudden this out of the ordinary thought came over me and I told the waitress to bring me the lemon cheesecake. While waiting for my order I took out my shag tobacco and rolling paper . My finger started to do the art of rolling the thin white paper and making it into a thin cigarrete.

Watching my cigarette burned by a Zippo I started to think is it curiosity for the blended taste of cheese and lemon or is it simply boredom for the ordinary? The “great white attack” somehow already gave me a hugging – like feeling of coziness and now the thought of lemon taste over a traditional delicatessen like cheese charmed my curiosity.

The waitress came back with my cheesecake. I looked at it and it was prettier to look at than the ordinary one with gradient of yellowish color on the white cheese surface. The twist of lemon taste on my tongue felt like a fresh witty surprise over the usual stand alone cheese taste. As I took more bites I felt the fresh sweet taste was arousing some long forgotten senses inside. Savoring the lemon cheese taste, sniffing the aroma of strong espresso mixed with a scent of lime while enjoying the whiteness around me was like slouching in a giant comfortable sofa, it felt like home.

As I sat there absorbing all these, the rain has stopped. It was home but in a different world. It was like going scuba diving in that tropical place, seeing the beauty of the colorful marine lives and an underwater flower garden made of coral reefs. The world separated by open water and an oxygen tank, the deeper you go the more beautiful it was. It was a dangerous playground unless you are an expert diver in the hand of an experience dive master.

I tossed a few bills to pay for everything and left the café. Walking across the small park I kicked some reddish autumn leaves lying on the green carpet of wet grass. Some raindrops still rested on the leaves like teardrops hanging on a pair of sad eyes. Kicking the leaves made the water splashed on my shoes and I carried those teardrops with me as I walked away. Sitting on a wet iron park bench l looked back at the café. I thought about the options, weighing possibilities of living between two worlds. I knew my next stop would be home, the one in my world.

I would miss my lemon cheesecake even when the taste continued to linger on my taste bud. I even knew that I would miss it still as I bite into it the next time. This was like a secret love affair between two characters on two different story frames of the same comic page. Sharing the same space but separated by two different stories. Unification could only be decided by the almighty illustrator.

I then realized that I too wore a white shirt over a pair of washed out jeans that day. Another long forgotten habit of my preferred attire for a simple look which strangely I put on again that rainy autumn day. I continued my walk home and wondering whether my closet would have enough space to hang my white shirts and a diving wetsuit.

Powerless

I'm fucked !

Power

Power allows you to get some distance from systems that you don't believe in,
or to dive into systems that you do believe in and enact them wholeheartedly.

Power is also the power to blind you to the things that you really are doing.

Power is not a thing; it's a set of relationships that is always changing.

Quoted from Taking a look at the power in and of skateboarding 

Paradoks Dalam Botol

Piercing and Tattoo itu yang tertulis di papan nama sebuah studio sekaligus toko pakaian yang berada di daerah bohemian dengan banyak cafe, gallery, butik dan distro bertebaran. Bobo neighborhood seorang kawan pernah berujar. "Apa tuh bobo?" pernah aku tanya dia. "Bohemian borju" jawabnya sambil terkekeh.

Aku tertawa dan membayangkan mereka yang memilih jalur gaya hidup dan penampilan bohemian lengkap dengan segala vintage atributnya meskipun banyak dari mereka berasal dari latar belakang ekonomi dan status sosial yang mapan. De la vie de boheme, bukankah seharusnya merupakan kehidupan dengan kebebasan berseni dan hanya mengejar kesempurnaan dalam sebuah musik, warna atau kata-kata dan bukan mengejar kesempurnaan materi? aku mencob a menganalisa arti kata bohemia. Les bohemes bourgoiesie, sebuah paradoks yang lucu pikir ku sambil melihat keseberang jalan dan menatap motor Harley Davidson model Dyna Cruiser didepan sebuah rumah makan Turki. Sexy, dengan tubuh panjang dan rendah dengan mesin TwinCam 88 dan opsi Electronic Fuel Injection. Soulful Bike, sexy seperti tubuh penari belly dancer Turki.

Dengan sigap aku menyeberang jalan dan memarkir sepedaku disamping si sexy Dyna. Kubuka pintu kayu besar untuk masuk ke rumah makan Turki. Humus dan pita bread take out untuk makan malam hari ini. Mungkin ditambah sebotol bir dingin...

One, Two, Dang Doet

It takes two to tango..
It takes three to disco..
Dang Doet is the music of my country..

Mantab deh !

Original ? no, these are the words of Manusia Ikan.

Cacat Lidah

Di kantor sekitar jam 9 malam, di ruang kerja ku

"marketing is the fight of perception.....baca nih" katanya sambil menunjukkan majalah Mix edisi baru.
"nah, udah tuh cukup buat jadi dasar ....contoh kesalahan fatal dari kebanyakan big brand" kata yang satu lagi."Pertamina tuh contohnya" lanjutnya lagi.
"marketing war is not in the market but in the mind" lanjut si pemegang majalah lagi dengan gaya sok taunya mengutip Jack Trout.

Tiba - tiba si satu lagi berdiri dari kursi dan menulis dengan black marker di papan tulis yang tergantung dekat dengan meja kerjaku.

fish eater vs visitor
fun racing vs fund raising
ten issues vs tennis shoes

"apaan sih?" aku nyeletuk sambil menyalakan lagi rokok untuk yang entah ke berapa ratus kali hari itu. Marathon meeting dari pagi sampai sore, belum sekarang disambung dengan harus menunggu budgeting yang sedang dihitung untuk di submit ke klien besok pagi - pagi. Haiyah....stressful abiz.

"ga penting banget ya?" jawabnya sambil masih berdiri di depan papan tulis.
"mayan ga penting sih, tapi gue hobi ngumpulin pengetahuan yang useless seperti itu" jawabku sambil tertawa.

"ini ada satu yang gue ga ngerti" katanya lagi sambil mulai menulis.

quitters never win, and winners never quit
quit while you're ahead

"saling bertentangan ga sih?" katanya lagi. "sopo iki sing bikin dulu?" lanjutnya.
"mber..." jawabku.

"to be or not to be" si pemegang majalah tiba - tiba ngomong. Aku dan si juru tulis melihat kearah nya bersamaan.

"apa coba maksudnya?" kataku.
"tau nih, suka ngomong kata - kata besar tapi di luar konteks" jawab si juru tulis.
"keep your friend close but your enemy closer" si pemegang majalah cuek nyrocos terus.

Aku bangkit dari kursiku dan mencari OB untuk minta dibuatkan teh manis. It's going to be a damn long night......

Sewaktu kembali ke ruangan aku melihat sebuah tulisan baru di papan tulisku.

..she sells sea shells

The Dog Is In The House

State of Mind

Is my...
Situation difficult and am I trying to persist in my objectives against resistance. Do I find it necessary to conceal my intentions as an added precaution, in order to disarm the opposition ? (it does feel kindda difficult...but disarm the opposition?...that sounds soooo sneaky)

Could this be my source of stress?...
Suppresing my innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that I might be carried away by it only to find myself pursuing some will-o'-the-wisp (ini apa ya artinya?). Do I feel misled and abused and has withdrawn to hold myself cautiously aloof from others. Keeps a careful and critical watch to see whether motives towards me are sincere--a watchfulness which easily develops into suspicion and distrust. (Now I know why someone said once that I sometime act 'invisible')

Do I restrain myself because...
Circumstances are forcing me to compromise, to restrain my demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things I want and forcing me to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being ? (compromising is my middle name and fuck...it hasn't been easy !)

I know that this is what I desire...
A conflict-free haven offering security and physical case and is in need of considerate treatment and loving care. I fears the emptiness and solitude of separation.....(tapi kalo harus sendiri, then be it....been there, done that)

My actual problem...
Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of my hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. Am I trying to escape from this into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, protecting myself from dissatisfaction and lack of appreciation.(bisjad...bisjad juga)

My actual problem # 2...
The needs to protect myself against my tendency to be too trusting, as I find it is liable to be misunderstood or exploited by others. I therefore seek a relationship providing peaceful and understanding intimacy, and in which each knows exactly where the other stands. (So true....! honesty is debes gitu lho.)

Want to know about you ? Take ColorQuiz

Sumpah

October 28, 1928 : Sumpah Pemuda
Satu Nusa, Satu Bangsa, Satu Bahasa

October 28, 2005 : Sumpah Serapah *
Kompensasi BBM a la Sinterklas
Kenaikan tunjangan anggota DPR
Jerat Kemiskinan
Korupsi
Beras dan gula impor
Anggaran Presiden
Minyak oplosan
Mafia peradilan
Rupiah melemah
Illegal Logging
Egoisme kelompok, pribadi dan primordialisme
Konsumerisme "Orang Kaya Baru"
Sinetron dan infotainment kampungan
Masalah TPA sampah....

Di 2005 sampah bukan dikelola tapi justru ber jas dan berdasi ria, naik mobil mewah, ngomong seenaknya dan bertindak semaunya.

Satu nusa, satu bangsa, satu bahasa....
"Negara kardus yang penuh dengan manusia kertas." **

*  Inspirasi dari tulisan Mona "Sumpah Serapah Buat DPR RI" di Cahaya Lentera
** Dikutip dari Negara Kardus ditulis oleh Savage.

Solidaritas Kebersamaan

JANGAN BERHENTI BELI GELANG MERAH. BANGUN TERUS SOLIDARITAS KEBERSAMAAN UNTUK ANAK INDONESIA

Tragedi Cumi Hitam

"Ya yang waras ngalah lah" ucapnya sambil mengaduk - aduk garpunya kedalam sepiring gado-gado. Sementara itu jari tangannya satu lagi menari-nari diatas touch pad di  Power Book Mac G4 nya untuk memamerkan layout print ad yang baru dibuatnya ke teman disebelahnya. "emang dia mau ngalah sama loe, jek?" kata temannya itu dan tertawa keras sekali. Aku dan dua teman lain di meja itu turut tertawa. "hah ?...sialan" katanya sambil meneruskan penjelasannya mengenai arti dari pesan iklan yang akan di muat di sebuah directory periklanan. "Jadi gambar ini kalo diliat dari sudut yang berbeda punya arti dan message yang berlainan. Bisa optimis, realistis, ilusionis ato juga pesimis" demikian dia menutup penjelasannya. Sementara itu dua temanku yang lain sibuk membicarakan jadwal rekaman untuk album terbaru mereka dan membahas studio mana yang akan mereka pakai.

Aku duduk menatap pesananku yang baru datang, cumi hitam dengan cabe hijau. "Looks good" kataku dalam hati. Suara - suara mereka terdengar jauh dan seperti gaung dalam kepala ku yang saat itu terasa seperti ruang hampa. Sesekali aku dengar tawa mereka dan bunyi  sound alert Yahoo Messenger dari Power Book yang tersambung oleh Wi-Fi gratis di restoran dengan makanan khas Jawa yang menawarkan setting dan design interior seperti chilling lounge dan presentasi makanan a la fine dining.

Aku perhatikan tata letak makanan di piringku yang terlihat agak sepi dan kontras sekali dengan dekorasi minimalis antara warna tinta cumi yang hitam pekat, potongan besar cabe paprika dan nasi putih diatas piring lebar berwarna putih. "Looks good" gumamku dalam hati. Sepi tapi kelihatannya enak. Hidangan ku malam ini membuatku kembali teringat akan santapan cumi yang berbeda di sebuah meja makan beberapa bulan yang lalu. Sebuah makan malam yang cozy dan berlanjut dengan obrolan yang kalau mengambil istilah dari seorang teman lain merupakan "mind blowing conversation" di teras rumah dengan banyak tanaman hijau. Aku tersenyum. Senyum pahit. Pahit karena rasa sepi dan getir di hati atau karena lapar yang terasa sejak tadi sore, akupun tidak tahu pasti. Aku ingat pada malam itupun aku sangat lapar tapi suasana hati pada saat itu sangat jauh dari rasa sepi. Aku menggeleng kepalaku seakan mengusir rasa sepi untuk tidak tetap bertengger disitu selama aku menyantap cumi hitam yang ada di depanku ini.

"Slamatzzzzzzzz...." tiba-tiba terdengar seseorang menyapa dari arah ujung meja. Ternyata seorang lagi teman atau dalam istilah bodohku satu lagi agen ganda telah datang untuk bergabung. Agen ganda, sebuah cap yang aku tempel ke segelintir orang yang sering datang ke kantorku yang berada di daerah Gandaria. Dia langsung duduk di kursi sebelah ku dan membongkar tas laptopnya. "Serius amat si loe pak?" dengan mulut setengah penuh aku bertanya ke si agen ganda. "Sedikit cukup serius juga sih kalo diliat situasinya pak, mau email booking konfirmasi about gig nya si Monday Michiru next month.....tapi yang penting suasananya tetep aman kan?" jawabnya sambil menusuk Wi-Fi adapter kedalam tubuh laptop Sony Vaio nya. Yang lain hanya terkekeh mendengar jawabannya, sudah biasa dengan gaya bicaranya yang sering ngga nyambung dan acakadut antara dua bahasa itu. Aku hanya bergumam "ohh....." sambil merenung. Sebutan agen ganda dengan double meaning itu membawaku ke sebuah istilah lain yang mirip, agen beras. Lamunan ku mengenai beras terhenti ketika salah satu dari teman musisi yang ada di meja itu melempar ide untuk tahun baru. "ke Lombok yuk tahun baru" katanya. "Bali bosen, Jakarta mati lah....kita ke Lombok aja rame-rame" lanjutnya. "Setuju, kita di tempat Philipe aja di Gili Meno" kata si agen ganda sambil tetap sibuk mengirim emailnya. "Jadi kita bikin Ibiza nih di Gili ?" kata si pembuat reklame. "Berangkatzzzz pak" kataku sambil menghabiskan sisa nasi di piringku yang sekarang sudah berubah menjadi hitam.

Sementara obrolan tahun baru terus berlanjut dengan rencana membuat Ibiza a la Lombok, aku menatap cheting atau tempat nasi tradisional khas Jawa terlihat sudah setengah kosong di depan ku. Kembali pikiranku melayang dan melamun mengenai beras.  Aku berpikir mengenai impor beras yang sedang ramai dibicarakan. Kalau akan mengambil istilah si pembuat iklan tadi mengenai arti dan pesan dari design yang dia buat maka aku sedikit agak bingung mau memilih yang mana. Negara agraris kok masih harus meng impor beras. Sama tidak masuk akalnya dengan kondisi negara yang memiliki minyak tapi terus menerus menaikan harga BBM . Apakah keputusan untuk mengimpor beras merupakan langkah realistis, ilusionis atau pesimis? Padahal stok beras tidak kurang dan kalaupun akan menurun karena harus memberi makan rakyat miskin kenapa tidak beli saja dari petani lokal sehingga dapat membantu sektor pertanian dimana banyak rakyat miskin yang bekerja di sektor itu. Ini lebih baik daripada buang uang untuk membeli dari luar negeri yang otomatis pasti menggunakan mata uang asing. Makin miskin saja nanti negara kita. Aku membayangkan para petani beras itu pasti sedang merasakan rasa sepi yang jauh lebih dalam dengan adanya distorsi pasar seperti ini. Mungkin juga rasa getir dan pahit atas ketidak adilan yang mereka rasakan dari tidak adanya keberpihakan pemerintah disisi mereka.

Lamunan ku melayang kembali ke teras dengan banyak tanaman hijau itu dan teringat dengan plakat yang di tempel di satu sisi dinding luar dirumah itu. Sebuah penghargaan untuk jasa atas rasa nasionalis yang tinggi dari salah satu pemilik rumah yang telah almarhum. Pasti beliau pun merasakan getir dan pahit yang sama saat ini kalau masih hidup. "Ya yang waras ngalah lah" kembali terngiang di telingaku. Siapa yang waras dan siapa yang harus mengalah dalam situasi dan suasana yang tidak aman ini? Mudah -mudahan tahun baru yang akan datang ini akan membawa rasa optimis yang realistis dan bukan pesimis atau ilusionis dari hal-hal yang tidak masuk akal.

Genuine Plastic Vanity

   I smiled as I read the Living Section from the back issue Kompas 15 May, 2005. There were two articles talking about the existence or more like the lack of decent public space in the city of Jakarta and in the country in general ( see Mana Ruang Publik Kami ? and Kerinduan Menikmati Alun – Alun ). These articles are really what Park Bench Society and its sub –blogs all about by using the object of park bench as an icon for urban open public spaces (outdoor) as well as what is happening in cities and its societies.

Park Bench Society and Graffiti Bench amongst its various posted journals have several write ups by the contributors including myself talking about just exactly what is happening in the city of Jakarta where we live concerning the lack of public spaces and the widening gap in social classes from the continuous establishment of new luxurious commercial city centers. These artificial places then become a forced mainstream "public spaces" based on consumerism. They were build with the excuse of providing comfort and leisure for its citizens at the expense of overlooking the aspects of existing cultures as well as the neglected historical sites that can instead be re-vitalized to provide free public spaces for all layers of social classes (read: The Birth of Park Bench Society, The Digital Park Bench, The Missing Bench, Jakarta Rising, Jakarta Semakin Gersang and Abandonned City Parks).

Reading these articles on the paper my smile somewhat turned into a sneer which usually accompanied a feeling of smugness cynicism. Really, just like most people I detest smugness and self – righteousness. However, I can’t help myself for being so damn conceited. Although both articles are all for open public spaces and the longing of having such places once again to be a part of our daily urban life but the comments and quotes from some of the individuals representing these commercial places that are providing “paid comfort” to the people are a reflection of a “silly trivial bullshits” vanities of the urban development trends taking place in major cities in Indonesia. A trend that has it roots from the weak mentalities of the municipal government who made public spaces as commodities for sale with the private sectors. It is truly a dangerous vanities as it is building a high wall of protection against the so –called those from the marginal societies.

Let’s forget about the advance cities in the region like Singapore, Tokyo or Seoul. Instead let’s take a look at the nearby Bukit Bintang, Damansara or Srihartamas area in Kuala Lumpur where outdoor public spaces are widely available. There you can have the options of enjoying the comfort of an open park and garden, free window shopping or a leisurely walks with the choices to spend or not to spend anything on some food and beverage of various price range either in the open food court or a more upscale chic restaurants. These kinds of options are what we are lacking in the city of Jakarta. Instead, what is available are mediocre city mock- ups trying to imitate or capture the ambiance of an outdoor atmosphere with names like City Walk, Town Square or City Square that offers only to the catered segmented niche of the society polluting them with branded goods.

The names of these places themselves reflect a falsely westernization frame of mind which in this country somewhat stupidly equal to modernization. For a nation with a heritage of having a town square called alun - alun in almost every cities in the country, it failed to utilize such places (some even has historical value attach to it) to be the center for the movement and interaction of its citizens. Modernization instead means copying foreign influences and making them into some artificial spaces that could manipulate the behavior of the people and infected them with a “100% genuine plastic” shallow and artificial nouveau riche mindset. Especially for the younger generation this kind of an environment and surrounding can create a missing link detaching themselves from their own heritage and cultural roots.

I think it is an idiotic notion trying to move Les Champs – Elysees in Paris to a narrow indoor space somewhere in South Jakarta just as it is impossible to move the ambiance of Kuta or Ubud in Bali to Fifth Avenue or even a place with a closely bohemian flavor like Greenwich Village in New York City. Such attempts to me are more like deepening ignorance rather than enlighten the people.

The city of Beijing can still have its Tiananmen Square despite the nation’s industrial revolution and rapid modernization. Other authoritarian state like Russia still maintains its historical Red Square in Moscow. I have never been to Baghdad but from many visuals on the television during the ongoing conflicts I can still see the shouq or market place as the typical Middle East traditional center for the people’s interaction. So are the shouq in the Old City part of Jerusalem or the city of Marrakesh in Morocco where both locals and tourists can experience the open public spaces without having the feeling of being trapped in a forced consumerism.

Who are we really to dictate people to have to spend money or to have that certain “look” of having money before we can enjoy the comfort of being in public spaces? You can walk around enjoying yourself whether you are in the Notting Hill section of London or Harajuku in Tokyo passing all the chic boutiques and cafes without having to spend anything if you don’t choose to. If there are a desperate needs to copy something from the lack of our own creativities why not turned Monas or Taman Suropati into a mini Central Park in New York where people can freely enjoy their lunches they bring from home in a picnic basket sitting next to an executive with a laptop doing his or her work out of the office taking advantage of the “hotspot” internet connection?. All these can be free of charge. All it takes is for the municipal government of Jakarta to provide enough waste baskets around the places and continuous Public Service Announcement in the media to brainwash the people with a propaganda for not littering to keep the city clean. Now, this type of propaganda surely is much more beneficial than some tacky, cheezy and artificial vanity on the standard of what is the true meaning of open public spaces that imitates some far away places with totally different vibes and cultures.